Margaret Cross, née Matthews, was born in 1945 in Carlisle, to parents Raymond and Marjorie. Margaret had recently commenced a book about her life, called “My Story” and in it she describes the horses on the streets when she was a little girl, pulling the milk carts, and the rag and bone man’s cart. Perhaps this was the start of her love of horses?
Very early on in life, Margaret’s love of reading was evident. Part way through her first year at school she was sent to the headmistress to choose reading books as she had already read all the books available in her classroom. When I asked Rob about her hobbies and interests, his first words were, “Reading, reading, reading”. She always had at least two books on the go, as technology progressed, she used a Kindle, and then recently moved to audio books so she could listen to them when her illness – Motor Neurone Disease - dictated she could no longer hold a book or Kindle.
When Margaret was 10, her parents got their first television. This didn’t stop her reading, but, in her words, it “brought the world into our house”. Her favourite programmes were about travel and wildlife – safaris and exploring the oceans. At the time, actually going to these places seemed an unrealistic dream - she would have had no idea that seeing many different countries would become a reality as she and Rob travelled far and wide.
Aged 11, Margaret passed the eleven plus, and became one of 90 girls to go to Carlisle and County High School for Girls. She became aware of social differences, started to get an idea of where her strengths lay – definitely NOT Home Economics and sewing! She had set her heart on becoming a Hospital Almoner – a role which already showed her strong interest in people, and in their welfare. To her immense frustration, the opportunity to do working training was withdrawn before she had a chance to start, and instead of the A levels she thought she would need, the entrance criteria changed to a social sciences degree. Her A level subjects were all arts, not sciences … the advice from the school was to go into teaching. She didn’t want to teach, so in a fit of pique she left school – an indication of her strong will and single-mindedness that were amongst her defining traits.
After a brief foray into office work, Margaret secured a position she really enjoyed – an audiometrician – which involved testing the hearing of primary school children. Best of all, it meant being her own boss and having a car. She did have an accident at one stage. Driving between two schools at lunchtime she found herself lying in the road looking at the car.(In those days you didn’t have seat belts.) It was facing the right direction, but lying beside her was the rear passenger window (unbroken), the tyres were all flat, there was liquid flowing gently down the road and steam coming from the bonnet. She remembered hoping it wasn’t badly damaged! The narrow country road had steep banks on either side, and when she stood up she saw that the roof of the car had some large dents. There had been black ice and the car had skidded part way up the bank and rolled over. It was damaged enough to be written off, while she was lucky enough to escape with a few minor bruises. When approached by the local constabulary asking if she was alright she said “I’m fine but I seem to have lost all my marbles”. (The marbles were used somehow in the hearing tests she gave to the children!).
She and Rob met in 1963 at the campsite in Silloth, Cumbria, where her parents had a static caravan, and his parents had a chalet. He was on leave from his army posting in Berlin, and they started writing to each other. Two years later they got married just before Rob was posted to Aden (now Yemen). Very early on they agreed they would spend their married life together, regardless of where Rob’s postings took them.
Ali was born in 1967 in Aden, with Carolyn arriving in 1970 in Germany.
Their lives involved many, many postings, moving frequently to a new base. Margaret always worked wherever she was, and got stuck into the new way of life on offer. Her interest in people and her love of languages shone through – always practical, always busy.
In Aden, they took advantage of the leave scheme in 1966 to visit Kenya – the safaris of past television shows became a reality! Memories of later family holidays, with Margaret in charge of the finances, involved cars, tents, and happy times in France and Italy. Carolyn would be told to get in the car, and belongings would be packed all around her, then it was Ali’s turn.
In 1974 Rob was moved to Salalah in the Oman. While he was there, the family took an RAF indulgence flight to meet him in Cyprus – this cost the princely sum of whatever food they had on the flight, but had the downside of not being able to guarantee a return flight with the RAF … so Margaret, Alison and Carolyn had to get a civilian flight home. The problem was that in those days you were only allowed to take £30 out of the country, and the return flight was going to cost £120. A day was spent cashing cheques in different banks until they’d managed to get the fare together. They flew home … to find that the next day the Turks invaded Cyprus and the RAF flew everyone home free of charge, much to Margaret’s chagrin!
By this time, Margaret’s love of horses and riding was standing her in good stead for her future. Most places she went, she somehow found the local Pony Club, or Saddle Club and would end up teaching. She was a lady that made things happen, would never rest on her laurels, or give up on something. One of her strongest values was: “If you say you’re going to do something, do it, follow through.” This is one of many values passed on to her children and is reflected in their sense of integrity.
Later, in Geilenkirchen in Germany, Margaret taught German to Army wives … and then revolutionised the Wives Club! It had all become rather mundane, numbers were dropping, so she gave the club a good metaphorical shake-up. In her time as Chairperson the program underwent a transformation – the MOD police and their drug detection dogs gave a demonstration, there was a visit to the British Forces Broadcasting service in Rheindahlen, and an evening flying the flight simulator at Wildenrath. Membership numbers grew and grew.
The next posting to Northern Ireland happened unexpectedly quickly after a return to Chatham. The decision was taken for Ali to start at boarding school in Folkestone, so she didn’t join the family when they settled in Lisburn, just south west of Belfast. There were huge security issues in the late 70s, early 80s – but again Margaret got heavily involved with the Pony Club, which provided the social life for the family. Margaret’s ear for accents and languages was to prove useful again – she passed herself off as a local when asking for directions on the way to one particular horse show in an area where the British weren’t at all popular. If Rob had asked, who knows what would have happened?
Next they were in Barton Stacey. Rob went off to the Falklands and was commissioned on his return – no phasing Margaret, she fitted into the officers’ mess with no problem at all.
Later, based at Cambridge, Rob applied for, and got a position with the Hong Kong Queen’s Gurkha Engineers. This was to prove a key turning point in Margaret’s life. In Hong Kong she taught riding at the Hong Kong Jockey Club, and puppy-walked for the Hong Kong police. She developed her love of rugby watching the Hong Kong rugby 7s … throughout her diagnosis of MND, one of her ambitions was to see England win the World Cup – an ambition sadly thwarted by the South Africans in November 2019.
Whilst in Hong Kong, she enrolled to learn Nepali so that she would be able to talk to the Gurkha wives – everywhere she went, she wanted to be able to communicate with people. She was active, outspoken, loved travelling, and talking to people. As Rob says “you couldn’t stop her talking, nor wanted to”.
Margaret joined Rob on a duty trek in aid of the Gurkha Welfare Trust - the love affair with Nepal began. In 1991 they moved to Kathmandu & Margaret’s hobby again stood in her good stead – she was invited to teach the Nepalese Cavalry to ride. Her sense was that she was the luckiest Westerner in Kathmandu because she had access to every level of Nepalese society, including the Royal Household. But on other days she was driving up into the hills to collect moonshine for the Cavalry’s soldiers!
On another occasion, as Jill & John will remember, on a day-trip to the Nepali-Tibetan border, their car was flagged down by a Nepali soldier who was on leave but had recognised the car, and the whole party was diverted into a remote local tea-shop to meet his family.
In 1994, Margaret received an amazing accolade. She was presented with a commendation from the Commander of the British Forces in Hong Kong on recommendation from the British Ambassador to Nepal, for her contributions to British Nepali relationships. Such a commendation is extremely unusual, and speaks volumes for Margaret’s ability to meet all people as equals, and to value them equally.
With Rob’s retirement from the army, life took on a new flavour. A house was bought in Rugeley, which has been their home for 24 years. Needless to say, neither Margaret nor Rob allowed the grass to grow under their feet, always enjoying travelling, holidays and Rob’s new hobby of photography, focussing on scenery and animals. They would go to craft fairs to sell his pictures. Margaret would do the printing and mounting, Rob made the frames. In the end Margaret took up photography too because she got tired of waiting for Rob to take ‘one more shot’.
Five years ago, the family celebrated Margaret and Rob’s Golden Wedding. Margaret was still raising funds for the Gurkha Welfare Trust, and over the years has raised tens of thousands of pounds. Keith Ryder, a friend and colleague of Margaret’s writes: Margaret’s knowledge of many matters relating to Nepal was extensive and her talks were very well received. She raised a lot of money through her talks and, equally importantly, spread awareness of the Gurkha Welfare Trust's activities.
Then in December 2017 came the shock of her diagnosis with Motor Neurone Disease. Nobody was surprised at her attitude to it – she started a blog which has been widely shared with medical practitioners and researchers. Early words on her blog are: “My husband and I are very lucky, we have friends who understand that I don’t want to be defined by MND, and who continue to behave exactly as before. We know that there is no clinical cure so we thought we’d use humour to keep it in its place.” Needless to say, she became a fervent fundraiser in aid of research and support for the Motor Neurone Disease Association – she found herself in good company with Doddie Weir. You’ll see from the Order of Service where to make a donation – I can almost hear her shouting her encouragement!
After retirement Margaret & Rob travelled to Africa frequently and last year Ali and Nigel were able to offer Margaret one last hoorah: a 3 week trip to South Africa and Botswana. When they suggested the trip, Margaret said she couldn’t travel because of the bottled food she needed. When they said ‘just take it with you’ Margaret immediately got up to go and weigh the food to see if she would have enough luggage allowance. She needn’t have worried because as it turned out the NHS shipped the food to South Africa for her. The arrangements to make the holiday happen were involved and complicated, but during the trip many wonderful memories were made.
Throughout her illness, Margaret strove to find ways that would allow her to continue to function. It may have been different to what she was used to, but she kept on trying. Her days became filled with appointments, but she benefited from the outstanding care and expertise of her support team – Nicky, Louise and Dr Mustaph from Stoke MND unit, occupational and speech therapists, Ruth and Laura, and carers from AMG.
Things obviously changed at home. Rob mentioned to me that when Margaret was diagnosed, he realised how much work she had done behind the scenes … apart from anything else, the Cleaning Gnome had disappeared. Joking aside, if Margaret had a message today, it would be to recognise and thank Rob for his unwavering care, which allowed them to stay together at home.
Lockdown made things much, much harder, and special thanks must go to all of the teams who helped so much during that time of shielding and isolation.
In summary, we are celebrating the life of a VERY busy, bright, clever woman. She will be remembered for so many aspects of her rich and engaging life – her sense of humour, her stoicism, and her optimism are an inspiration.